


Magia

by vagrantBreath



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Magic, Horror, M/M, Seizures
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-13
Updated: 2016-09-25
Packaged: 2018-08-14 18:34:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 15
Words: 14,808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8024599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vagrantBreath/pseuds/vagrantBreath
Summary: Magia is the nomen of the Roman gens Magia.
  
  
  It is also the Italian, Spanish, Portuguese, Polish and Finnish word for magic.
 Lance can hear the sea. At all times. Just once, he would like to turn that off.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello yes I must write every day apparently. I currently have this as no pairings because I am looking at my notes and debating if I really want it to be Shallance or just Lance having a fuckhuge crush on Shiro. Because I am apparently incapable of writing Lance without a fuckhuge crush on Shiro.

When he was alone, Lance could hear the sea.

It wasn’t like he was imagining what it was like before. No. This was roaring in his ears, waves crashing as it nearly drowned out the hum of the Castle.

It was the reason, he reflected, why he was putting on his headphones now. As long as something was going on in his ear, the sound of the sea receded. Lance sighed as the music started, relaxing on his bed. Good. He could think again.

Kinda sucked to always hear the sea. While he loved it, having every waking moment filled with that sound was hard to deal with. Good thing he was known for never keeping his mouth shut. As long as he was talking, he couldn’t hear it. And that was all that mattered.

Lance slid his hands under his head, humming along with the music. It was starting to get a little stale, listening to the same songs over and over, but hey. At least he liked all of it. And at least he had a big enough library it took a while for him to want to listen to something else. Maybe he could ask Pidge or Hunk if they had something. He had a feeling he knew what Keith listened to and it wasn’t EDM.

Or maybe it was.

He bust out laughing at the idea of Keith dancing along to a heavily synthesized beat. That would be so great to see. He should ask Pidge if she could manage to broadcast some dance music over the Castle. She probably could. Pidge was awesome like that.

Lance stretched, feeling something pop in his back. He really needed to find like a massage chair or something. All this stress balled up in his back was no good. Or maybe... he licked his lips at the phantom feeling of someone straddling him, strong hands on him.

Yeah, no. He wouldn’t be able to hide that erection.

He sighed, looking up at the ceiling. Yeah.

The sound of the sea rushed under the music, reminding him it was still there.

* * *

Somehow, and he didn’t know how, the rushing sound of the sea got _worse_ when he was piloting Blue. Like, how did that even happen?

At the same time, hearing the sea while being slammed around in his harness, Blue taking heavy fire was a little comforting. Like a little bit of home while he got his ass beat.

”Keith, please tell me you’re almost done,” he grit out as he dodged an incoming fighter.

”Just about,” came the short response. He could hear something beeping over the com link, then Keith running. Good, the charge was set. Just a little boom and they could rescue the slaves on this ship, send them safely into an escape pod down to the planet. All of them were natives of the planet, and it made Lance feel warm and fuzzy inside to know he was reuniting families.

It was far too long in Lance’s eyes for Red to finally make her way back to the battle. “Took you long enough,” Lance told him, voice teasing. “I thought you would miss out on this grand epic battle.”

”And miss the chance to show you up?” He could hear the smirk in Keith’s voice. “No way.”

”Well, you better catch up, then! ‘Cause that’s one hell of a head start I got!”

”Oh good, a handicap. That’ll make this fair.”

Lance scoffed. “Just start blowing shit up, Keith.”

That, at least, Keith had no problem with.

And it wasn’t fair. Keith blew up more fighters than him.

* * *

Sea waves roared in his ears as Shiro pinned him, straddling his thighs.

He couldn’t hear what was said right after.

* * *

Keith totally listened to EDM.

Because that was his playlist Pidge was broadcasting over the Castle’s systems.

Lance was never going to let him live it down. Ever.

The beat drowned out the sound of waves lapping in his ear as he laughed, watching Keith’s face grow scarlet.

* * *

He just wished he would stop hearing the sea.

Just... for a little bit.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> /sighs and edits tags because I am weak

So jungle planets sucked.

If it wasn’t for the distress call, Lance would have never come down. And the stupid thing had been old, from a ship that had long been abandoned! What the hell, even. So he was trekking his way back to Blue, the sea roaring in his ears.

He had always heard the sea. Ever since a child. But ever since bonding with Blue... it was just so much worse. Then again, he had never been in a situation where it would be so quiet before. He had always had some kind of chaos going on around him, be it his family or the Garrison or just something he did himself. This kind of quiet time, where he was just sweating and swearing softly under his breath wasn’t usual for him.

And he had no idea if that crawling feeling on his neck was something running across it or if the fact he went for his bayard was justified. Something wasn’t right down here.

”Hey Pidge, are you having creepy crawly feelings too?”

”That’s one way to put it,” Pidge said over the com link. “I’m heading back in Green now.”

”Sweet. I’ll be at Blue in a little bit.”

A noise behind him made him whirl, his gun coming up. But there was nothing. Again- behind him- and there was nothing.

Light giggling reached his ears, and he frowned. It was too high pitched to be anyone he knew. Lance looked around, trying to find who it was. He wasn’t alone. And if there would be anyone, it would be-

His gun came up just as a... thing materialized into view. He couldn’t even describe it well. Maybe a fairy? But way, way bigger. About as big as his gun. And fairies didn’t have sharp green teeth like that, did they? Maybe they did. Mythology was never his strong suit.

Except this wasn’t mythology. It was an alien fluttering in front of him, wings creating a rainbow of color. Lance almost lowered his gun, but something in the way those solid purple eyes were set made him steady it on that figure. This one was hostile. He didn’t think it was towards Voltron - it hadn’t said anything about that yet - but he just knew somehow he had fucked with a maybe fairy and it was not happy.

”Hi, can I help you?”

The maybe fairy tilted its head. Then waved a hand and _holy shit_ that was a lot of maybe fairies. They surrounded him and that was not good. Lance swallowed, turning, moving his finger off the trigger guard and curled around the trigger. He was in a lot of trouble.

”Pidge, I think I- aaaugh!”

Why the hell did one of them just _bite_ him? Lance spun, his neck throbbing with pain. He didn’t feel any blood - maybe it didn't pierce his suit- but fuck that hurt.

”The poison isn’t working.” The sibilant hiss of many filled the air.

”Hey, whoa, poison?” Shit. Now that he heard that, he could feel the wetness on his throat.

”We shouldn’t do this,” he heard, a low hiss circling him.

”It shouldn’t have it.” The words flowed around him, as if all of them were speaking at the same time. “It’s too strong in it.”

”Okay, anyone mind expl-”

Lance’s words cut off as pain exploded in his head. One hand came up, trying to will away the throbbing. It cut into him, turning his stomach as his eyes clenched tightly. He had been hit in the head and had a better headache than this! What the hell?!

”Is the poison working?”

”It’s big. It may have taken a while to take hold.”

Poison. Lance opened one eye, squinting as the maybe fairies multiplied, blurred. They had poisoned him. For what? To kill him?

”The other is gone. The metal beast with it took off.”

The other- Pidge. Lance swallowed back a moan as he slowly sank to his knees. She wasn’t here. Had she even heard what he said?

”Be careful,” came a sharp hiss. “Don’t kill it.”

”Hold it still.”

Suddenly, hands everywhere. They dragged him down, onto his back. Lance tried to fight back, but all he could manage was a weak jerk of muscles. Poison. He was poisoned.

”It’s so much a part of it.”

”We might kill it.”

”We must do it.”

Then-

Nothing.

* * *

When he woke again, it was to the sound of Pidge screaming in his ear. “Mmph?”

”Thank fuck.” Her voice was relieved over the com link as Green hovered overhead. “You wouldn’t respond to me after that little distress cry. You doing okay?”

”Mm.” Lance slowly sat up. His head felt... felt. Weird. “Mmhmm.”

”You sure?”

”Mmhmm.”

”Okay... well, we’re done here. I’ll see you up at the Castle.”

Green flew away, leaving him to sit there in silence. Something was wrong. Lance shook his head, trying to clear it. He didn’t know what it was, but something was off. Slowly, he stood, feeling his legs shake under him. As long as he made it back to Blue, he’d be okay.

What had just happened? He couldn’t- couldn’t think. Couldn’t remember.

Finally, Blue came within view. He sighed, reaching out to the particle barrier.

And frowned when it wouldn’t lower. He smacked his hand a few times against it. Why was Blue acting up for him now? Panic rose in his throat as he placed his hand against the barrier. Was Blue rejecting him now? Why would she-

”Pidge,” he said, his voice thick. As if words themselves didn’t make sense in his throat. “Blue won’t let me in.”

”What?!”

”Something- something’s wrong.” He pressed his head against the barrier. “Blue. Please.”

”I’ll be right down. Allura can get Blue in the Castle somehow.”

Lance nodded, rubbing his hand against the barrier. Why now? Why did she do this now?

Silence roared in his ears.


	3. Chapter 3

“Blue? C’mon girl. It’s me. It’s okay. C’mon.”

”Still won’t open?” Pidge asked, dangling out of her Lion.

”No. She doesn’t do anything.”

Pidge hummed her response, and Lance sagged. She was probably absorbed in whatever she was doing to pay attention to him. Instead, he rubbed his hands against the particle barrier. “Hey. Blue. It’s okay.”

She didn’t lower the barrier. Lance pressed his forehead against it, closing his eyes. What could he do? The thought swam through his head, lazy against molasses. What could he...? Was Blue rejecting him? Did she want another pilot? What did he do, then? Or-

One hand rubbed over his neck, right where the bite had been. After the stint in the cryopod, he should be free of poison. So it couldn’t be that he was poisoned. Lance sighed, closing his eyes.

Then opened them as he felt someone beside him, looking over. He hadn’t even heard Shiro coming up, he realized as he turned. And Shiro wasn’t the kind to purposely hide his footsteps. “Hey. What’s up?”

”I could ask the same of you.” He looked up at Blue, his face thoughtful. “Lance, what happened down there?”

”I don’t-” He couldn’t _remember._ All he knew was that he had been poisoned. “I... all I remember is I was...”

”Poisoned.” Shiro glanced over at him. “If you remember anything else, let us know.”

Shiro sounded so... cold. Was it because he couldn’t remember? Because he couldn’t get into Blue anymore? “Yeah...”

What good was a Paladin that couldn’t even get into their Lion? Lance turned back to Blue, swallowing. If Blue rejected him, then that meant... he wasn’t going to be the Blue Paladin anymore.

Which meant he was just going to be a drain on the team.

”Blue. Please, girl. Let me in.”

* * *

Silence was almost as loud as the sea.

Lance would have never guessed. It should have been a relief. He wanted it to be a relief. After countless years of hearing the sea roar in his ears, he had some peace.

And now he was useless.

* * *

”Lance?”

”Hm?” He looked up at Hunk, spooning another mouthful of goo into him. “What’s up?”

”You just kinda...” Hunk’s hand waved as he frowned. “Stopped moving for a bit there. You okay, man?”

He had? “Yeah. I’m fine.”

Hunk opened his mouth, as if to say more, then frowned. “If there’s anything,” he told him seriously, “let me know. You’re my best bud. I want to help you.”

That made Lance smile. “Yeah, of course. Definitely will tell you if there’s anything.”

Hunk was good people, he reflected as he ate a little more goo. Though, what he said worried him. There had been a lot of those little moments since he got back, and they were happening more and more. It wasn’t that bad at first, especially since they happened when no one was around and he only knew he had blanked out for a bit of the walk back to his room or something. But it was getting worse. Today alone Hunk had caught him zoning out three times.

And he knew he had lost more time than that today.

What was wrong with him?

Maybe it was the poison. It had messed with him more than he thought. He would need to ask Coran if he’d take a look at his readouts when he got into the cryopod next.

Why couldn’t he remember what had happened down on the planet? Literally, all he could remember was he had been poisoned. He had to be told the distress call had been old! Something was seriously wrong.

He could feel something in the back of his mind building, receding. Back and forth, testing itself.

He needed to lay down. This just... made his heart hurt.

Lance got up, grabbing his half-eaten plate. He wasn’t hungry anymore. Not with these thoughts running around in his head. With that feeling of something pushing against his brain.

What was wrong with him?

And why was Hunk the only one looking him in the eye now?

* * *

Blue still wasn’t letting him in.

Silence filled his ears as he slumped down in front of her.

He’d do anything to have the sea back.

* * *

His jaw hurt.

”Aren’t you ever going to pay attention?”

What had happened? He had been sparring with Keith, and then he was on his back. Lance sat up slowly, working his jaw. “I was,” he snapped back, starting to stand.

”Zoning out in the middle of a fight isn’t paying attention!”

The words chilled him. It was happening in the middle of sparring now. “I- gotta go,” he mumbled, pushing past Keith, brushing his arm as he went.

... did Keith always put off that much heat?

* * *

He didn’t hear the sound of the sea when he jerked off to thoughts of Shiro straddling him.

He always heard the sea then. The only time it was louder was when Shiro actually was straddling him, pinning him down in the middle of sparring.

It messed with him enough that his arm started to tire trying to bring himself off and he decided a cold shower would be a better use of his time.

* * *

Coran’s tests brought back nothing. He was fine.

Something wasn’t right.

Lance held his hand over his head, studying it as he laid in bed. Something wasn’t right with him. He... felt really weird. Like he had lost something. More than the sound of waves in his ear, that is. But that something deep inside him was missing.

It had to be something he never noticed before. Something he knew should be there but he never thought of before now.

Something he lost back at the planet. Where he couldn’t remember anything.

Lance let his hand drop to his chest. If he could remember what happened, he might remember what he lost. But he couldn’t. All he knew was it was tied to the sound of the sea and Blue rejecting him.

Tied to him becoming a useless burden.

Lance shut his eyes tightly. What the hell had he lost?

* * *

It was so cold...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're wondering, Lance is having absence seizures. That's why he keeps blanking out for a little bit.


	4. Chapter 4

More and more time lost. What the hell.

Lance sighed, staring into his food. They were coming more frequently. Didn’t last any longer - just a few seconds - but he was blanking out more often. Just. Losing seconds here, not catching all of what Hunk said there, suddenly Pidge was in his face also here.

Only Hunk seemed to be worried about it, too.

Yeah, but Hunk was good people, he thought morosely. He cared about everyone. Lance didn’t know about everyone else. Pidge had been ready to leave them to search for her family at one point! Keith... never seemed to really like him. Which was fine because he didn’t like Keith. But Shiro...

That hurt. Lance put down his spoon, food barely touched. “I think I’m going to go to bed,” he told the group.

Only Hunk looked up. “You sure, man? You didn’t eat anything.”

”Yeah. Just not hungry.”

Pidge was talking in low tones to Keith about something, making him laugh a little. Shiro was talking to Allura. They didn’t look up.

”See you tomorrow.”

Was it that he couldn’t be a Paladin of Voltron? Lance dumped his food and started back to his room. Shiro at least shouldn’t care about that. But he barely even looked at Lance anymore, let alone talk to him.

What had happened down there? What changed?

Why couldn’t he hear the sea anymore?

* * *

It was so cold.

It seeped into his bones. Froze his breath.

All it needed was a little push...

* * *

Something was pushing on his brain. Lance could feel it. It was a pressure like he had never felt before. A clawing in a locked away part. Something wanting out, to run wild. To run free.

And yet it couldn’t come out.

Was it a memory? Remembering what had happened down there?

Or was it the reason why he couldn’t remember?

Lance sat up in his bed, one knee bent to rest his arm across. Something was up. He wished so hard that he had paid attention to all those meditation trainings. It would be nice to meditate for a little bit and go _aha, you’re what’s wrong._

Or something like that. If it even worked. Fuck, what if it was like this forever? Losing time like this, not able to get Blue to let him in, being a worthless Paladin...

No. He had to find out what he wasn’t remembering. He couldn’t take Shiro not looking at him anymore.

So Lance closed his eyes. Focused on that feeling in his brain. Tried to coax out its secrets.

When he came to, he was flat on his back, clothes soaked in sweat.

* * *

_Let me in..._

* * *

Lance ran a hand over Blue’s particle barrier one last time. It was dinner time, so he should probably make his way down to the dining hall. At the same time... Lance frowned. He so wasn’t hungry. Not when he thought about everyone ignoring him except Hunk.

He sighed. Better get food anyway. In case he suddenly could get in Blue if the alarm rose, he needed to be fueled up. Lance started down to the dining hall, head lowered.

Stumbling over his own feet was the first clue. He put out a hand, catching himself on the wall. Something was wrong. Something was really wrong.

Sweat trickled down the back of his neck as he tried to take a few more steps. He couldn’t, though. His legs were too weak. The weakness spread up his backside, across his shoulders until finally he kneeled, gasping for air.

He had to get somewhere safe. He had to go there, now. The thought slammed through his head, beating against his skull as he tried to get back up. He had to get there. It wasn’t safe here. He had to go, to a place where-

Where he’d-

Where _they_ would be safe.

_He_ wasn’t safe.

But each time he tried to stand, his legs refused to cooperate. Lance panted as sweat drenched his clothes, making them stick to his skin.

Pain zinged through him. Just like-

Like- 

_Then._

Lance’s eyes widened, almost as if he could see the ring of maybe fairies around him. He could feel the sting in his neck, poisoned from the bite. He could feel their tiny hands, holding him down-

He could feel something being locked away inside him, trying to sever its connection with him-

_Let me in..._

Lance gasped, his head thrown back.

And the sea rushed in around him, lapping at his neck as it swirled. Then it stopped, dropped around him, and Lance fell over onto a hard bed of ice. When he opened his eyes, he could see the frozen waves around him, curled in beautifully deadly points. Ice crackled over his clothes, a thick sheet enticing him to stay where he was.

The sound of the sea roaring in his ears muffled the sound of footsteps. It muffled the sound of Shiro’s hand, and the sizzle when it met ice. It muffled the sound of Shiro and Keith kneeling next to him, and their voices as they started to break the ice off his clothing, the sheet melding with the ice under it.

He started to sit up, the rest of the ice crackling off him. Slowly, he stood, staring at Shiro and Keith.

And Keith fell backwards, terror crossing his face. Shiro’s hand lit back up as he swallowed hard. “Lance?” came the cautious word, as if talking to a wild animal.

He stared at them for one more moment, the ice melting and fading away before him.

Then his eyes rolled up in his head and he knew no more.


	5. Chapter 5

”Say what, now?” Lance asked, confused. Weird electrical activity in his brain?

”Well, yes.” Coran looked at the readout, frowning. “It says while you were in cryostasis, you had some strange electrical activity. It appears it only happened for a few seconds; easy to miss, really.”

Lance rubbed his forehead. He had been out for a day after he heard the sound of the sea again. According to Coran, no one could wake him after that and they were worried about him. And now it was back to silence. Back to feeling that thing push against something, now aware it could break free for a bit before something shoved it back down. “So that means...?”

”I believe your little moments have been seizures.”

That made Lance pause. Seizures? He didn’t have those... “You sure, Coran?”

”Of course!” Coran puffed up slightly, pulling on all his dignity. “It would only make the most sense. And I believe it’s tied to why the Blue Lion will not let you back in.”

Wait, what? Did that mean because he was having seizures, Blue wouldn’t let him fly? Because he could blank out in the middle of battle? Have a- a seizure?

”I believe it has to do with your magic.”

”What?” Okay, that was the last thing he expected to hear. Magic?

”Well, yes. How else would the Lions choose their Paladins?” Coran held up one finger, back straightening further. “It’s true they choose by personality, but the person must first have a type of magic to bond them to their Lion. Do you hear water, or ice crackling?”

”The sea,” Lance admitted. “At least I used to. So, that’s what it’s been? Magic?”

”Of course! From what I can tell, it’s been suppressed in you. I would assume that is why your brain is creating strange activity in attempt to make up for that. You really must let it free, Lance. I can’t image your brain holding out for much longer.”

Lance swallowed. “I don’t know how,” he said. “I- it happened to me, not that I did it myself. It’s not like I can just poke a part of my brain and turn it back on.”

”Hm, that is troublesome.” Coran frowned, his fingers toying with his mustache. “Perhaps we can go through how the Paladins of old trained their magic. With their magic truly a part of them, Paladins can do extraordinary things. It should help you remove whatever block was placed on you so you can properly harness it.”

”The others.” Lance suddenly remembered. “Do they know about this?”

”I don’t believe they do. It doesn’t appear their magic has truly developed. I can imagine they heard the sound of their element, but it’s not enough to practice with. Most Paladin’s magic increases slowly as their bond with their Lion deepens, and control comes quite naturally as it grows.”

”Oh.” Lance felt his fingers shake, and hid them behind his back. “What happens if they don’t? If it goes out of control?”

”I don’t know. From what I remember, there are no records of Paladins losing control.”

* * *

Now that he was looking for it, he could see the element. Keith burning hotter than the sun in the middle of July. Pidge and greenery, of leaves and vines. Earthy Hunk, practical and kind. And Shiro, heat and chill coming off his skin like wind.

And what did that mean for him?

Well, that he could literally see Shiro not see him when looking right at him. Silence was roaring in his ears as Shiro’s gaze slipped right off him. Why did that happen? Was it because his magic was locked away?

... did something inside Shiro tell him Lance wasn’t there because of that?

At least Keith noticed him and he would deny it that he thought that. But anyone noticing him right now was like a balm to his heart. Keith, or Hunk. Bless Hunk, he thought. He always came through.

But Keith noticing him meant the two of them were sparring because Keith pretty much spoke one language and it was berserker. Lance nearly stumbled over his feet as Keith came in, hard, fists and feet flying almost too fast for him to see. Didn’t Keith ever get tired?! He could feel himself start to tire, his arms blocking a punch he barely saw coming.

He wouldn’t be able to hold out much longer... Lance opened his mouth to stop it, to end the sparring, to tap out, only for Keith’s fist to come in towards his face.

Waves roared in his ear as it impacted with a solid wall of ice.

Lance watched as Keith took a step back, swearing and shaking his arm. The ice melted away, leaving him looking at Keith.

Who took several steps backwards, alarm crossing his face. “Holy sh- Lance... you- you know who I am, right?”

Lance just looked at him, hearing the sea in his ears. He had tried to attack him. Tried to hurt him.

”Fucking- show some kind of emotion, Lance!”

And now he was noisy.

Keith opened his mouth again to say something else, then started to choke. He bent over, vomiting up water. The liquid bubbled and steamed as it rushed over his lips, and he slowly looked back up at Lance, only for more boiling water to spill over his lips.

The waves suddenly shut off, and Lance stumbled, falling to the ground. Keith was coughing, getting up the last of the water as Lance swallowed. Lance pushed himself up slightly and looked up at Keith, his eyes wide as he felt his arms tremble under him.

He had tried to drown Keith.

And at the time, he felt nothing about that.


	6. Chapter 6

Okay. So he could create bodies of water and ice them over pretty quickly. That could be useful.

Less useful was the fact he just tried to _drown_ Keith doing that. Yeah, Keith was annoying and needed to calm down during sparring, but he didn’t want to _kill_ the jerk. Add in the fact Keith seemed terrified of him when he finally heard the sea, as if he looked like the worst monster from his nightmares, and everything looked very, very nasty.

Something was wrong with him. He needed to get this under control ASAP. Or else, he didn’t know what would happen. He didn’t know if he was going to be a vegetable, or if his magic would go out of control. And he didn’t want that. He... had a feeling he knew what would happen.

Lance shivered, rubbing his arms. If anything, he hadn’t passed out that time. Just felt really, really shitty after.

And only part of that was the fact he tried to kill Keith.

A part of him said to go talk to Shiro. That even if Shiro didn’t know how to help him, he would have a different perspective than what he did and that might help him anyway. But... did he really want to bother Shiro with this? He had so much more to worry about. Not to mention he wasn’t sure Shiro would actually see him. It seemed like he could only focus on Lance if he tried, and otherwise couldn’t if Lance didn’t hear the sea.

Why was that? Was it... did Shiro’s own magic do that? He wish he knew.

He wished he knew why Keith and Shiro came to his rescue when he first felt his magic come back.

* * *

Lance could watch everyone become steadily more and more confused, tilting their head at weird moments to listen to something only they could hear.

That was, if he wasn’t blanking out due to a seizure.

He needed to hear the sea again. Not just when it was creating water and hurting someone, but how it used to be. Back when he heard it all the time and he could pilot Blue. Back when he unconsciously had control of it.

She still didn’t let him in.

Lance sighed, pressing his hand against her particle barrier. Maybe it was because of the seizures. She didn’t want to risk him. He just wished he knew for certain. Slowly, he sat down in front of her, staring up at her cold metal face.

”Blue. I’m going to need to pilot you,” he said, his voice cracking. “The next time they need Voltron, I need to be there for them. Please, let me in.”

She remained cold. Distant.

Lance took a deep breath, mentally reaching back in his head. He knew the sound of the sea was locked away, only breaking free occasionally for something to grab it and reign it back in. Maybe he could _force_ it free, even if for a few seconds.

But the more he tried, the more frustrated he got when it didn’t work.

* * *

It happened again. When he was alone.

His bed was now ice, first soaked over before chilling to a deadly temperature.

He swore he could feel something when it happened. Something he had been missing, other than the sound of the sea, now locked back in his head as he stared at his ice bed.

* * *

They were out there, fighting. And Lance couldn’t hear the sea. Couldn’t help them.

He rested his head against Blue’s particle barrier. “I wish I could hear the sea,” he whispered. “Then we could be out there. Together.”

There was a whisper on the edge of his hearing. A sound. And then a roar, familiar and welcome.

The particle barrier faded away as the sea filled his ears. Blue opened her mouth, and he climbed in, not even bothering to get into his armor. Lance buckled his harness, and Blue flew out of the hanger, his hands barely touching the control sticks, moving on an instinct deep inside Lance’s brain.

”Holy shit,” came Pidge’s voice as they came into view. “Is that Blue?”

”Yeah, it is! Lance, buddy, you did it!”

His eyes flicked to Blue’s display, to the Galra fighters filling space before him.

”Guys, Lance isn’t responding.”

”Lance-”

He didn’t even have to move the control sticks. Blue swung herself around, and all he had to do was look at where the fighters were, her tail laser already up to attack. She moved in tandem with his mind, the two of them together. The sound of the sea started to drown out the other voices, drown out everything but the feeling of Blue around him.

The way she moved.

The way she attacked.

The way stray shots impacted her, running through him where she was hit.

Soon, it was over. It didn’t even take a thought for Blue to head back to the Castle. They moved together, everything the way it should be. The sound of the sea guided her back home.

It wasn’t until he was back in the hangar that the sound of the sea receded. When he suddenly coughed he spat up blood, his body battered and bruised from something he couldn’t explain.

Where he could feel every dent in Blue’s armor, every shot burned into his own body.

Lance barely had time to exist Blue, her particle barrier coming up again as soon as he was out, before pain exploded all around him.

* * *

He couldn’t hear the sea.

Lance was starting to wonder if that was actually a good thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I watched way too much Escaflowne in my formative years. And you have no idea how close I was to a Drakengard reference. So, so close.


	7. Chapter 7

Only Coran had been there when Lance got out of the cryopod.

The thought made him curl up more on his bed, now thankfully de-iced. Even Keith was starting not to notice him now. Allura had stopped too, and he didn’t know why. Only Coran still saw him.

Maybe, if one of them weren’t there, Allura would have also piloted a Lion. He didn’t know. Just that things... He felt alone. His magic suppressed and only coming out in brief spurts, no one noticing him unless his magic was out because of that, and basically useless unless he had his magic.

Magic. That he couldn’t control.

Maybe that was what happened when he lost control.

Lance inhaled sharply, ducking his head as he tried to curl up further. He was useless unless he had control.

Though, what happened in Blue... he had practically been one with her while they fought. All he had to do was look at something and Blue knew exactly what he wanted to do. He practically felt like he was the one doing all of that, instead of him and Blue. Like he _was_ Blue and Blue was him for that brief battle.

And then he had every single wound she suffered.

He wouldn’t be able to take any more of that. Just that one easy battle had nearly killed him.

Lance raised a hand, wiping away tears he felt falling. He was useless. Just because of one stupid distress beacon.

His eyes closed as the thought chased him. If Allura was the Blue Paladin instead, then everything would be better. He should leave. He didn’t... he didn’t want to die out there because he was useless. Magic suppressed, suffering every hit Blue took, and having more and more seizures it felt every day.

He... didn’t want to die.

Things would be so much easier if he was suicidal, he thought. He just had to do one thing and it would be all over. But no, he had to be scared of dying. So he had to take the hard way out and leave.

At least that would be easy, with only Coran noticing him.

* * *

Something wasn’t right.

Lance woke slowly at that thought. Something wasn’t right here. He took his earbuds out, sitting up. Something had happened.

Pidge’s scream had him out of bed in an instant, not even bothering with shoes. That wasn’t an annoyed scream or even one of terror. That was _pain._ And given Pidge had an ungodly tolerance for it for her size, that meant bad things.

When he started down the halls, he could hear sounds of fighting. Had they been boarded? Lance quickened his steps, running towards the noise. He tried to reach for his magic, feeling it on the edge of his mind. If they had been, he needed that. Nothing Voltron related would respond to him unless he had that. His mental fists banged against the wall suppressing it, trying to let it out.

He stopped as he rounded a corner. Those were some lizard people, all right. And one had Pidge by the hair, his grin toothy as she spat and struggled. Keith was kneeling, his sword arm broken as another pressed a gun to his head. He didn’t see Shiro anywhere... no, he saw his arm, the body crumpled on the ground.

They had been boarded, by people who knew what they were doing.

”This one should fetch a pretty penny,” one of them hissed out. “Tiny ones always do.”

” _Let me go you fucking-_ ”

”We’ll have to take the fight from it before we can,” another said. “Break it.”

No.

He could see Keith’s head come up, his teeth bared as he got the same meaning. “Leave her alone, you fucking pirate asshole-”

The butt of the gun came down on his head, making him nearly fall over. He caught himself on his broken arm, crying out as he curled up around it.

No.

The sea roared in his ears.

Blood splattered over Pidge’s face as an ice spike suddenly appeared in the lizard’s neck. It let her go as it fell limp, impaled through the throat. Lance turned his gaze to the one by Keith, watching its hands start to shake as it pointed its gun at him.

Then it suddenly bent over, coughing. Water spilled from its mouth, more and more coming. And then-

Ice. It struggled to breath as all the water in its lungs turned to ice.

Pidge looked up at him in terror as he walked by. There were more. He had no time for her.

”Lance...” he heard her whisper. “Is that really Lance? It’s not a demon, right?”

Keith glared up at him as he walked by. Slowly, he stood, eyes unfocused and holding his broken arm. “Lance.”

Water coalesced around his broken arm, forming into a heavy brick of ice that pulled him down with a cry. Lance started to leave as the ice instantly sizzled, not caring to see what happened next.

He wouldn’t stop until all threats were dead.

* * *

Lance fell to his knees, feeling his stomach turn. He had killed all those lizard people. Drowning them, impaling them, freezing their lungs... the halls were splattered in their blood.

_He_ was splattered with their blood.

And now the sound of the sea left him, left him to see all that he had done.

He vomited.

He didn’t want to hear the sea. Not like this. Not doing this.

Not like this.


	8. Chapter 8

_“Is that really Lance? It’s not a demon, right?”_

Pidge’s words echoed in his ears as he retched over a toilet, having emptied his stomach looking at the mass of dead bodies he had created. Whatever he looked like now when he heard the sea, it was demonic.

In so many ways, he wanted to know and yet didn’t. He felt like he was without emotion when he heard the sea. That made him wonder... was that why? He had killed so many without a flicker of emotion on his face? But at the same time, Pidge, Keith, and Shiro had reacted with fear when they saw him. And Shiro had only seen him after he first heard the sea again, before he had killed anyone with ice.

What did he look like? And was it because he didn’t have control over his magic?

If that was the case, he needed to get control. ASAP. It didn’t matter how. He just needed it.

Lance leaned up against the wall, taking comfort in how cool it felt as he rested his head against it. He needed to take Coran up on his offer to find books about the Paladins of old. That would help him. And then he’d be okay. He could use his magic any time and not look... like a demon.

With a sigh, he stood, going to the sink to rinse out his mouth. By now, someone must have started cleaning up the bodies. He should help with that. He created them, after all. It was his mess to clean up.

His stomach turned at the memory of drowning one, creating ice spikes that protruded from its chest as it struggled to breathe.

Lance crumpled next to the toilet again, dry heaving.

Nope. Couldn’t do it.

* * *

The others were more and more distracted as time went on. He even caught Keith frowning, tilting his head and being distracted during training of all things.

And here he was, hoping he could never hear the sea again.

Even if that meant he had brain damage from all the seizures he kept having.

It was bad. It was really bad. They were coming so often that he practically lost an entire meal that way. And yet... he had seen what happened when he could hear the sea. If it came back again, who was to say his friends were safe? He felt _nothing_ about killing the lizard pirates at the time. He felt _nothing_ when he tried to drown Keith.

Lance took a deep breath, watching Keith and Shiro spar. It was really a dance to behold. Everyone knew Shiro was one hell of a fighter, and Keith had pure ferocity to meet every blow. It was amazing.

Even if he could hear a slight sizzling sound every time Keith blocked a punch from Shiro’s Galra arm.

Damn it. Keith was having his magic come on slowly and he was naturally using it in a fight against Shiro. His body temperature was rising, or at least was concentrating around his arms. Keith was doing even better than before, with his instinctive control over the fire. Better than Lance suddenly losing it.

Wait.

Lance swallowed hard, not sure he had seen it. Not sure that he-

Had seen Keith’s eyes going completely black.

It was gone as fast as he had seen it. It was possible he hadn’t seen it at all.

But the brief flash he had seen stayed with him as he left the training room.

* * *

He was more careful this time. Blue instinctively dodged as his eyes followed the line of fighters. She moved easily, the two of them together as the sea forced itself in, taking over everything. He could hear the others in his ear, but he didn’t care. He had a job to do.

”Lance! Form Voltron.”

His eyes swept over the enemy fighters. Form Voltron. The sea whispered at him to do so. It was eager, reaching for the others. This was what he was supposed to do. Everyone, together.

Blue shifted into leg mode, fitting herself into the slot meant for her. He could feel the other’s minds shifting against his, closer than before, meant for Voltron.

Pidge inhaled sharply as Voltron formed. Shiro didn’t say anything, didn’t ask what was wrong. Didn’t move. Keith didn’t move either, breathing heavily in the com link.

”Guys? What’s wrong?” Hunk’s worried voice filled the air. “We formed Voltron. Shouldn’t we go fight the bad guys?”

Nothing but breathing.

”Guys!”

”We’re here,” came Shiro’s thick voice. “Keith. Sword.”

The sword was formed before Shiro could even finish Keith’s name.

It was over soon enough.

* * *

Lance reached for the sea, swallowing. One last time. He needed to fight. Just one last time.

He said it every time the Galra came.

It was easier and easier to lose himself to the sea. Easier and easier to grab it. Maybe the block was eroding. Or maybe he was finding ways to go around it.

But he heard the sea in his ears, and Blue let him in.

* * *

It was nothing to take down the robots with a look. They filled easily with water, frying their circuits. Those that still could move had the water freeze, forcing their joints apart as the ice grew.

The Galra were taken out easily enough. One fell over as ice shoved itself through his chest, piercing the armor like it was nothing. Another drowned, water constantly forcing itself over his lips. Blood splattered over the hall as the others rescued the captives, all taken down by a simple look. A sound behind him made him start to turn, already creating the water as he went.

But too late.

The Galra soldier had managed to grab him just as he turned, and-

Time froze.

Lance looked down at the sword in his stomach, hearing the sea fade. Slowly, he looked back up, scrambling for the sound of the sea. For that power. He needed-

He fell to the ground, off the soldier’s sword. Blood started to pour around him, and he tried to find that power again. His magic. He needed to stem the blood flow... to do something.

Or he might die here.

Lance stared up at the twisted smile on the Galra’s face. He was going to die here. The soldier raised his sword one last time, ready to land the killing blow.

Then stopped. His eyes went wide, panicked as the sword dropped from his hands. Lance could almost smell the fur burning as flames started to lick around his eyes, his mouth, his nose, coming from deep within. Finally, the soldier dropped to the ground, a burnt out husk of a Galra. Lance looked up, breath stopping in his throat as he saw Keith.

Who looked completely dispassionate about the whole thing. Like it didn’t matter to him. Like the Galra soldier he had just killed meant nothing to him, like he was lower than a squished bug.

But that wasn’t what scared Lance.

It was the eyes.

Keith’s eyes were completely black with only a white pinprick where the pupil would be.

Was that what Lance looked like when he could hear the sea?

He didn’t think much more of it as Shiro came into view. They needed to leave. Needed to go. He could worry about the stomach wound later, when he was back in the Castle and at the cryopod.

The sea roared in his ears, reaching for Blue. Ready to go home.

And all thoughts drained away, leaving him ready to fight as the blood rushing from his stomach froze.

* * *

He reached for the sea. Over and over.

It was war. He couldn’t-

He couldn’t not do this.


	9. Chapter 9

_What do I do?_

Lance paced in his room, pulling at his hair. He had seen that, right? Keith immolating a Galra soldier from within? And those eyes? Crap, he looked... demonic. Completely and utterly inhuman.

_Is this what a Paladin really is?_

They were walking forces of destruction, uncaring of who got in their way. At least, that’s how Lance felt after he came back to himself, the sea receding in his ears. Was that what a Paladin was supposed to be? Coran had said Paladins could do amazing things when they could use their magic. Was this the amazing thing?

Fuck, it was horrifying instead.

_What do I do?_

Shiro and Pidge hadn’t had the demon eyes yet. But they were still growing into their magic. They didn’t have a reason like Keith did.

Keith.

How was he taking this? Did he care... or was that part of Paladin magic too? Not letting any emotion in after the magic gets strong enough?

Lance let out a frustrated breath, his head hurting where he was pulling on his hair. He ran a hand through it instead, still pacing.

_Is this supposed to happen?_

He didn’t want magic now. He would do anything to be useless. To not need it every time a new attack came. To not need it when they attacked a Galra fleet, rescuing prisoners. He just...

He wanted to go back to normal.

Lance sat down heavily on his bed, cradling his head in his hands. Nothing was normal. Without his magic he was due for brain damage thanks to seizures. With magic, he was an uncaring demonic murder machine.

There had to be a third option. He couldn’t do this.

Finally, he got up, leaving his room. A change of scenery was due. He... he needed to see something else for a while other than his own room and that bloodsoaked uniform.

He needed to clean his flight suit. And mend it. Why didn’t they have armor over their stomachs? That was dumb.

As he passed by Keith’s room, he heard the muffled drumbeat, loud enough that Pidge was probably throwing things in vain against the wall to make him turn it down. And that... yep, was the familiar sound of wubs. It would never cease to amuse him that Keith listened to EDM. Lance smiled without much humor, ready to leave.

Only to hear Keith’s voice raise, screaming something he could barely hear over the music. Though, his name was more that obvious, yelled more and more hysterically as time went on.

Lance was at Keith’s door instantly, knocking on it. He was pretty sure this was useless and that Keith would never hear him. But the door slid open, revealing a wild looking Keith. His eyes swept over Lance’s form, not seeing him as his music thudded behind him.

”I know you’re there, Lance,” he finally said, tightly controlling his voice. “But I can’t see you. I know you’re there, and that you’re okay, but I don’t _see_ you. Why don’t I see you, Lance? What the _fuck_ did you do to me?”

”Keith...”

”This didn’t happen until we formed Voltron!” And now Keith’s voice was spiralling out of control. “You did something to us! I can’t stop hearing fire at full force and music isn’t even helping with drowning it out!”

”Keith!”

”I killed someone with that fire and I felt nothing! _What did you do to me?_ ”

”I didn’t do anything!” Lance finally shot back. “I- I can’t control it either.”

Keith crumpled inward at that. He ran a hand over his face, taking a shaking breath. “What is it, Lance? Why?”

”It’s magic.” Out loud, it sounded dumb. “We... Paladins have magic.”

Keith laughed brokenly at that. “Then why can’t I see you? Why can’t I see you unless you’re being uncaring and killing people with that magic?”

”I don’t know.”

That earned him another broken laugh. “Then find out.”

”It’s not that easy!” Lance said hotly. “I’ve been trying to figure out why I can’t hear the sea! What exactly happened to me on that planet! I remember some of what happened, but it doesn’t explain this! If I knew, Keith... if I knew, this wouldn’t be happening.”

The track changed, the new beat thumping through the air.

”I knew something was wrong when you iced over the hallways,” Keith finally said, his voice barely audible over the music as he looked down. “Shiro and I felt it. I think so did Pidge and Hunk. And then we saw you, with those demon eyes... I have them too, don’t I.” 

”Yeah,” Lance told him, his voice a similar level of audible.

”It’ll happen to the rest too, won’t it.”

”I’ll make sure it doesn’t.”

Keith looked up at him, and Lance swore he could see black edging in on his eyes. “Yeah. You do that.”

And then the door closed.

* * *

_What do I do?_

Lance curled in on himself as he watched Shiro train alone against gladiators, his knees pulled up to his chest as he sat. He wanted to make sure Shiro would be okay. But Shiro didn’t see him, just like how Keith didn’t. He had a feeling Shiro knew he was there, but his eyes just couldn’t see him.

He found himself losing more time watching Shiro, his brain trying to make up for the suppressed magic with a seizure. Lance grit his teeth, standing up. If he was going to have fucking seizures, he would do them in his room.

Something pulled on him, making him stop and look over at Shiro. He could feel the sea deep in his head, whispering to get out.

And Shiro was just standing there, head bowed, arms trembling.

Then all the gladiators were beheaded with a quick slice of air around him.

”Holy shit!”

Shiro looked over at him, his eyes pure black with the pinprick of white. Slowly, he started over to Lance, his face unmoving.

The sea roared in his ears.

Shiro grabbed him, pulling him into a kiss. Lance reached up to cup Shiro’s head, the kiss fierce and hard. He could feel water rushing around his feet, splashed about by the wind. Shiro pinned him up against the wall with his body, his clothed dick a hard line against Lance’s hip as Shiro slotted his thigh between Lance’s legs.

Instantly, Lance rolled his hips into the touch. He could feel Shiro doing the same, breaking the kiss to stare down at Lance dispassionately. Lance looked up at him, still rolling his hips, face not moving as the pleasure built.

And then the sea disappeared as he came, shuddering and gasping. Shiro was still moving, still looking at him with those eyes and that face-

When he came, a look of bliss crossed his face, eyes closing. Slowly, Shiro relaxed against Lance, panting. Lance’s fingers came up to stroke his hair, and Shiro froze, stiffening.

Shiro’s eyes were completely normal when he pulled back, his face stricken. “Oh my God, Lance, I-”

”Hey.” Lance tried smiling, not sure if Shiro would see it. “I came too.”

And Shiro was not seeing him. “I shouldn’t have- I- I’m so sorry.” He backed out of Lance’s hold, eyes sweeping across where he should be seeing Lance, making Lance feel really shitty when his eyes didn’t land. “I’m so-”

”Whatever.” Of course he’d have a great orgasm with Shiro while their magic was fucked up. “I wanted it. I don’t know if you can even hear me now, but I wanted that.”

Lance started to make his way out of the training room, making a face at his sticky pants. He didn’t realize his problems with his magic could hurt any more than they did until now.

He didn’t realize it could cost him a potential relationship with Shiro.


	10. Chapter 10

Hunk stared at everyone with worry and Lance froze with his spoon halfway to his mouth. That was interesting.

”Hey, Hunk, my man.”

”Huh?” And he still didn’t- no, his eyes suddenly focused on Lance. His heart beat faster as Hunk blinked, _actually seeing Lance how could this be real_. “What’s up?”

”Oh, just- um, I lost my train of thought,” Lance stumbled over his words. He felt like crying. Was all that reading and training working? Hunk saw him without using his magic. _He saw him without using his magic._ “So, what’s up?”

”Um...” Hunk looked over at the rest of the quiet group, then turned back to Lance, lowering his voice. “Is something wrong with everyone?”

Oh God he noticed. He noticed something was wrong. Did... did it not affect Hunk at all? Because apparently it all started for everyone else when they formed Voltron, if Keith was to be believed. “I...”

”Lance.” Wow, that was super serious Hunk. “If something’s wrong, tell me. It’s like... totally weird in here. What’s going on? What’s wrong with everyone?”

He didn’t know. He couldn’t know.

”I think it’s my fault.”

Hunk blinked a few times. “What do you mean by that?”

”When we formed Voltron. I think I-” Fuck, it sounded so dumb. “Hunk, do you believe in magic?”

That made Hunk sit back. “Lance, maybe we should talk about this later,” he said softly. As if he didn’t believe him.

”Yeah, sure.”

Of course Hunk wouldn’t believe him. Magic was so little kiddish.

* * *

”So why do you think it’s your fault?” Hunk asked once Lance finished, confused. “I mean, it’s not your fault that your magic is going out of control.”

”Yeah, but that was before we formed Voltron,” Lance muttered. “You know how we bond when we do that, right?”

”Yeah...”

”I think my lack of control made everyone else go-” Lance made a motion with his hands.

Hunk frowned and great. He didn’t believe him. “You sure? I mean, I didn’t feel my control slipping at all.”

”Yeah, I mean, Keith- wait. Your control?”

That made Hunk blush slightly. “Well... yeah. I mean... I stopped puking in Yellow, right? We kinda came to an agreement and I kinda put my hand in hers when we fly. It helps me a lot. I thought that was normal.”

Lance just gaped at him. Hunk had mastered his magic well before anyone else. “How the _hell_ did you do that?!”

Hunk shrugged, blushing harder. “I mean... it’s wasn’t hard? I just kinda... reach for it and hold her hand. It’s not like I can do it outside Yellow, though.”

He continued to gape at Hunk. “ _Teach me, Master._ ”

That made Hunk go serious, his eyes sparkling with laughter. “The road will be long and hard, grasshopper.”

”Fuck it, I’m up for it.” Lance suddenly went quiet, remembering. “I... we’re all going to need it. I mean, we all... look like demons when we use it.”

Hunk went quiet as well. “I don’t know how well I can help you there,” he finally said quietly. “I don’t use it outside Yellow.”

”I know,” Lance murmured. “I just... we need all the help we can get.”

”Yeah...” They both were quiet for a moment before Hunk cleared his throat. “So anyway! Your first lesson in getting your magic back starts now!”

Lance groaned. “Already?”

”Yup, grasshopper.”

* * *

Two hours with Hunk was hell of a lot more productive than any other training he had so far with his magic.

It also left him with a _raging_ headache.

Lance fell face first into his bed. At least he felt like that block on his magic was dislodging somewhat. Though... he had a feeling the reason it wasn’t totally gone was him.

He was afraid.

He had fucking good reason to be. He killed Galra soldiers without caring. He and Shiro practically fucked with no emotion attached to it. Lance groaned at that thought, pulling the pillow into his face. Shiro had probably felt something like when Lance had first used his magic, and Shiro’s magic acted on it. Which was probably why Shiro freaked out like that; he didn’t actually feel anything for him.

Which sucked because Lance _wanted to tap that ass._ He really wanted it. And yet, all this magic stuff just screwed it up more.

Hopefully Hunk could tell the others what was going on without it sounding too stupid and help them too. It was a little weird and unsettling that Hunk didn’t use his magic outside Yellow, but at least he used it.

Though, what he said about holding its hand just sounded _dumb._

Lance groaned, lifting his head slightly. Maybe that was the whole thing. Be its friend. It worked for Hunk.

But it was so _stupid._

He rolled over onto his back. It didn’t matter how stupid it was, he told himself. It worked. So he had to make friends with the demonic power within him.

But when he put it like that, he remembered Keith burning a soldier from within and Shiro beheading gladiators with a single gust of wind.

And he shuddered.

He had to do it.


	11. Chapter 11

It was on the edge of his mind. A raging storm, waves battering against walls. Lance could feel it as he sat there, his eyes closed.

He could feel ice prickling under his skin, wanting to spring forth.

He could hear Hunk’s voice, distantly, talking to him. Didn’t know what. It was something, probably related to magic. Something he had to do. What was it Hunk had been saying? Reach for it, put his hand in its...

Lance felt the wall slip, the storm surge, ice rush across him-

And opened his eyes, gasping.

Hunk patted his shoulder. “I think you almost got it that time,” he said encouragingly. “I mean, it looked like something was happening.”

Lance grumbled, shifting his weight and readjust how he was sitting. Yeah, something had happened. He had nearly lost control again. Doing that, when Hunk was around... he really didn’t want to do that. He had no idea if it would do anything around Hunk, but he didn’t want to take the chance. Taking a deep breath, he closed his eyes again, focusing inward.

On that sea.

On the ice.

On the sound of the sea surging in his ears, drowning out Hunk’s voice. Lance tried to reach out, tried to take its hand before it overwhelmed him. Before-

”Uh, Lance, my man, you’re scaring me.”

Lance stared at Hunk, watching him scoot away slightly.

”Okay. So, uh... wow, you... those are some eyes.”

”...”

”Yeah, this is creepy. I can see why you want to get control of this. Do I look like this when I pilot Yellow?”

Why was he still talking?

”So uh... whoa!” Hunk suddenly dodged, an ice spike flying past him. “Lance! It’s me! Hunk!”

Hunk...

”C’mon, man. You have to remember me...”

Hunk...

”Lance!”

The sea receded.

Lance doubled over, his forehead touching his legs as he gasped. Holy shit he had just tried to kill Hunk. His friend. The guy trying to help him. “Hunk, I-”

”O-okay.” Hunk’s voice was shaky, but he cleared his throat as he sat back up, back straight. “Okay,” he said again, a little more firmly. “Let’s try that again.”

”Again?!” Lance lifted his head to look up at him in disbelief. “I just tried to kill you!”

”And you didn’t! So let’s try again so you can get it right.”

Lance let his head drop again, shaking it. No. He couldn’t. Hunk couldn’t use his magic outside Yellow, so if something happened, he- he had nothing to fight back with. “I’m going to kill you sometime doing this,” he said, voice muffled by his legs. “I don’t have control, damn it.”

”The point of this is to get control, Lance. It’s like... it’ll be hard, but not impossible. So you can do this.”

Lance slowly sat up, inhaling deeply with his eyes closed. Yeah. Hunk was right. He could do this.

He relaxed, reaching for his magic again. Reaching to dislodge that block.

* * *

”You kinda blanked out there again.”

Lance groaned, not looking over at Hunk. “Another seizure. Damn it. I hate these things!”

”Is that what they are? What are they called... absence seizures?”

”Yeah.” Lance rubbed his head, frustrated. “Don’t know what they’re called, but it’s a seizure. At least, what’s what Coran said they are.”

Hunk hesitated, then reached out, rubbing his back. “You gonna be okay there?”

Lance lowered his hands, staring at the table they were sitting at. “If I don’t get control of my magic, I’ll have brain damage,” he said blankly. “I might have brain damage already. Just because of this goddamn-”

”Hey. Hey.” Hunk’s hand was so soothing on his back. “It’ll be okay.”

That just made Lance close his eyes tightly, his breath ragged. Slowly, he could feel Hunk pull him into a hug. It felt so good... and he wasn’t crying, damn it. Hunk’s clothes were getting damp another way other than him crying.

Hunk just held him as he Did Not Cry, Lance’s hands clinging to his shirt.

* * *

The sea roared in his ears as Pidge’s eyes turned black, a Galra soldier suddenly sprouting vines and branches from every orifice.

The sound of waves crashed into his ears as Shiro beheaded the drones on the way out, wind playing easily under his fingers.

The roar of the sea filled his mind as Keith’s fire covered their escape.

It all went away when he was sitting in pain in Blue’s cockpit, feeling every little injury she had sustained, knowing he would have to exit and go to the cryopod if he valued his life.

* * *

He wouldn’t be able to stop it.

It would either be he went catatonic or his magic bust through that wall and took him over.

Lance shivered as he felt the sea in his head, roaring to be let out.

Either way, he was fucked.

He needed to get down what Hunk was saying, and soon. He didn’t...

He wanted to _live._


	12. Chapter 12

Lance curled up on the floor next to the toilet, trying not to remember the last mission. Blue had gotten really hurt on that last one, and he had a feeling the only reason why he wasn’t still feeling her wounds was a duel he wasn’t hearing the sea and he spent the rest of the day in the cryopod. But God... what had happened.

They were monsters now.

He knew Hunk was talking to the others. They couldn’t see Lance unless he was using his magic, so he was pretty much useless. But Hunk... Yeah, they’d listen to him. Hell, Keith already knew it was magic. So it would be an easy sell. And then they could start having control.

The problem was, with Voltron connecting them all, with Lance having no control and only Hunk having perfect control... He shook his head, trying to suppress the memory of flames. Of vines bursting out of Galra. Of wind choking-

Bile rose in his throat and he rushed to hang his head over the toilet again, but nothing came up. Nothing was left.

He couldn’t take this much longer.

Slowly, Lance stood, going over to the sink and rinsing his mouth out. They all needed control. He- he needed to get his magic back completely so he could _have_ control.

But nothing he did worked. He remained without magic. With his brain freaking out over that. With his brain breaking itself. And then... if that continued...

Then he would really be useless.

Would it be better to be a monster?

Lance shuddered. Be useless or be a monster. Those were his options. Not good options. But there they were, binary as could be.

He... didn’t want to be useless.

Lance’s hands tightened on the sink. He really didn’t want to be useless. Even when he was a monster, he was doing good. He was helping. If he stopped being afraid, he could dislodge the block and his brain would stop freaking out. He would stop having seizures. And then it would be okay except that he would be a soulless monster-

Fuck.

But...

Lance stared at his reflection.

He did not want to be useless.

”Heh.” His lips twisted into a humorless grin. “I suppose this is the last time I will look at this pretty face and give a shit. You had a good run, beautiful.”

Lance closed his eyes, reaching for the sea.

And it came to him, rushing around the block in spurts.

Lance reached further, deeper. For more. For _it._ What belonged to him. His magic. What he should have always had.

Water soaked his feet.

The sea screamed in his head.

And then magic _flooded_ him, pure and wonderful. It was a cool drink he didn’t even know he needed, rushing through his head and soothing everything that needed it. Slowly, Lance opened his eyes.

And looked into the black expanse covering his sclera, seeing the simple white pinprick staring back at him.

* * *

”Lance...?”

He ignored Hunk.

Pidge stared back at him, her eyes black as well.

Keith and Shiro stood smoothly, faces blank.

Their magic swirled around them, rising to meet his, mesh with his. A pale imitation of what happened when they formed Voltron. He looked up at Shiro as he came close, up into that blank face, and knew what he was hearing. What was in his head, whispered on the wind. It was what was whispered by the sea in his, whispered by crackling flames in Keith’s and rustling vines in Pidge’s.

The knowledge of being together.

”Guys...?”

They ignored Hunk.

They had a job to do.

* * *

They all flew better than ever. Fought better than ever.

And Hunk worried more than ever.

Lance didn’t care.

There were slaves on this ship. With a glance, he short circuited the lock, water spurting out of it. The captives made their way out slowly, the littles staring up at him with fear and awe as he turned away.

More drones came for them. Pidge took them down, winding vines through their joints. The captives shakily started down the hall, whispering to themselves. They threw themselves against the wall as Galra and drones came for them, only to scream as Keith proceeded to immolate the enemy.

The sea whispered in his ear, and all of them turned at once to see one bunny girl holding a fallen rifle, her hands shaking. “What kind of monsters are the Paladins of Voltron?” she whispered, moving in front of the rest of the slaves. “What are you?”

She was going to attack them.

The girl started coughing, boiling water spilling from her lips, burning her as it went. Her fellow captives screamed and backed away as she fell to her knees, a flower starting to grow out of her eye.

”STOP!”

Something hard slammed into the back of Lance’s head, making him fall to his knees, the others doing the same as something hit them. He could hear the captives scatter as Hunk stepped in closer. “This isn’t you guys,” he said, his voice pleading. “This isn’t... you _help._ You don’t kill... the people we’re trying to help.”

No.

This isn’t what they were supposed to do. Hunk was right. They-

Lance’s eyes opened wide.

The sea screamed in his ear as the wind started to rush around him.

And he mentally jammed a knee into the sea’s back as he stood, turning to the rest. Keith and Pidge were out, rocks by their bodies (holy shit, Hunk had managed to do it). But Shiro was staring at them, black eyes cold as the wind rushed, ready to punish the outlier of Voltron, to kill-

”Stop,” Lance whispered, his voice lost under the sound of the sea and the rush of wind.

Shiro’s Galra hand wrapped around his neck, the wind pushing Hunk away, the feeling of _traitor!_ filling him. _How dare you make us stop! Aren’t you one of us?_

_No. This isn’t what we were meant to do._

Lance stared at Shiro, letting him choke him.

_I love you._

And slowly, Shiro’s hand let him go as the black eyes cleared up, then rolled up in the back of Shiro’s head as he fainted away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> /avoids one Drakengard reference in an earlier chapter  
> /adds one in this chapter
> 
> WELP.


	13. Chapter 13

It was like an old friend in his ears. The sound of the sea, roaring over and over. It was soothing, even if it came with the feeling of barely having control. Lance sighed, rubbing his eyes as he laid in bed, his head hurting. Damn, Hunk had good aim with his rocks.

They had all agreed to stay apart, in their own rooms for right now. Other than Hunk, no one had control. Lance had... kinda gotten an idea what to do? Even if his idea of control was less what Hunk had said and more throwing his magic into a metaphorical headlock and bullying it until it settled down. Which really wasn’t control, as he couldn’t actually use it consciously. Just keep it from overtaking him.

It was a start, at least. And if Hunk could make it so the rest could do the same, then maybe they could go back to doing what they were before. Just being normal people. They’d start doing the inhuman magic stuff later, when they had control over that.

Lance swallowed, his throat hurting.

If they all could be around each other.

There was a part of him that wondered if Shiro would be able to be around him. After...

Lance placed a hand on his throat, remembering those smooth metal fingers gripping there. Choking him. The thoughts filling him, and the emotion he sent back.

_I love you._

Love. He didn’t even know he felt that deeply for Shiro. Yeah, he wanted to tap that ass, and he respected Shiro greatly, but... love? And now Shiro knew that too.

Thing was, he was pretty certain Shiro didn’t feel the same.

Lance let his hand fall to his chest, sighing. Maybe it would be a better idea to work with controlling his now free magic instead of moaning over his love life. Yeah.

He sat up, taking a deep breath once he was upright. Alright. He could do this. He already knew what he _could_ do. So start small. Create a small ball of water.

Lance frowned, staring at the space in front of him, reaching for his magic.

And instantly shoving it back as it tried to run him over, to take over everything.

This would take a while.

* * *

Vines came out of the ground, twisting a pillar up to the ceiling. That would normally be worry for alarm for Lance, but considering he heard both Hunk and Pidge’s voices coming from an open panel, he had a feeling everything was fine here.

The fact Pidge was the first person to get it kinda didn’t surprise him considering she tended to be more interested in fixing and creating things than fighting. She would be able to tell her magic that it would be more interested in helping her with technology. Kinda why it didn’t surprise him when the vines started receding, bringing both of the Paladins down to ground level. “Hey,” Pidge said, surprised when she caught sight of Lance. “Didn’t expect to see you around.”

”Yeah, just doing a food run.” Lance felt his magic reach for hers, and he ruthlessly jammed his mental foot on it. From Pidge’s face, it looked like she was doing the same. “So uh... nifty trick.”

She nodded. “Yeah, a lot more useful than a ladder.” Pidge swallowed, looking away. “So uh... magic, huh? Kinda weird.”

”Mm.” He could feel the sea squirming under his mental foot. He needed to leave. “I should-”

”Me too. See you later?”

Hunk looked between them as Lance left, confusion writ on his face. But better that then the two of them feeding their magic off each other and going out of control, Lance decided as he entered the dining hall. Better they just... don’t spend time together.

Forming Voltron was going to be a _bitch._

* * *

Keith was grumbling under his breath in the middle of the training room, the air hot around him. The sea roared in Lance’s ears, thrashing under Lance’s tenuous control as Keith’s hands shook. He could feel the sea wanting to join in, wanting to take over and pull on Keith’s magic. To do what it wanted to do, what it was meant to do.

Then the air cooled, Keith’s shoulders relaxing as he regained control over his magic.

The sea receded.

”Cool. Been working with Hunk?”

”Shut up, Lance.”

* * *

Shiro’s lips on his. Shiro’s hips against his.

Shiro’s hand on his throat.

Lance woke up with a gasp, his bed soaked and starting to ice over.

He hadn’t seen Shiro since that day. He didn’t know if anyone else had seen Shiro. He didn’t know if Shiro was _okay_ even. Just that...

Without thinking, he was out of bed, leaving wet footprints in his wake. He didn’t even know what he was doing, just that he was moving. Walking. Going towards... Shiro’s door.

He could feel Shiro behind it, wind brushing up against the sea. Lance reached out a mental hand, trying to have him open the door. To see him. To talk to him. To make sure Shiro was _okay._

Then he felt Shiro’s magic, gently pushing him away.

Damn it. Shiro didn’t want him. He didn’t want to see him at all.

That hurt more than anything else that could have happened.


	14. Chapter 14

The idea of piloting Blue scared the _crap_ out of Lance right now. Like, he knew what happened when he did now that his magic was stronger. Every little blow on her happened to him. And if he tried... would his magic go out of control again? Would he not be able to control it and meld with her to that point? Become a monster again?

It wasn’t like he wasn’t prepared for that. Lance snorted, washing his face. He had definitely already resigned himself to that fate. But at the same time, he really didn’t want it. With a sigh, he let the spray of the shower rush over him, wishing it relaxed him. It didn’t, not anymore. Not with all the worries he had. That would just be nice, and nice things didn’t happen.

Lance shook his head, turning the shower off and reaching for the towel. No use in moping. He had training to do. Just because he could do crazy things with magic didn’t mean he could slack off with his physical training. And boy did he never think he would ever mean that. But it was a nice diversion now. Something else to do other than let the sea fight with him.

When he got down to the training room, it was empty. He had kinda hoped Keith, or- his heart squeezed at the thought of Shiro being down there. But someone. Someone that he could face off against. Though, probably not a good idea. He could feel his magic running under his skin at all times, and the idea of it feeding off someone else was not a good one.

But damn it, he missed everyone.

The only person he could see now was Hunk. And while Hunk was _awesome_ , he missed Pidge. He actually missed Keith. And it went without saying he missed Shiro. He just... wanted them all back.

Lance sighed, pulling out his bayard. This is what happened. So he should get used to it.

And maybe go take a practice spin in Blue. Get used to piloting her with his magic without it going insane.

* * *

Magic ran under his skin, howling in the sound of the sea to be free. It reached for Blue, wanting her. Needing her. This is how it should be. This is how it always was supposed to be, the Paladin one with the Lion. They could do amazing things together. Fight as one. He knew that! He-

Could be hurt. He was not a Lion. He could not take the same damage.

_No!_ his magic screamed. _This is right! This is true!_

But he could not take it.

Blue took Lance back to the Castle as he shoved the magic down, gasping. It had just been a practice run and he had nearly melded with her again. Nearly lost control of his magic.

Was that something he was just going to have to deal with? That he was going to lose control in Blue? That would suck. He wasn’t meant for it. His body wasn’t the same as Blue. Some day, Blue would take enough damage that it would _kill_ him. That’s something his magic needed to understand. His body was human. It could take only so much damage.

And he did not want to die, plain and simple.

Lance took a deep breath as he exited Blue, feeling his magic run under his skin, outright _sulking._ Whatever. It wasn’t flesh and blood. It didn’t realize it could die if it took too much damage.

Shit.

They had been lucky so far that they hadn’t had any need for the Lions or Voltron since Hunk knocked them all around. But that luck wasn’t going to last. They needed control soon. Or else one attack with the Galra would take them all out, if the rest of them were having the same problems with their Lions that he was.

Shit, shit, shit, shit.

Lance started to leave the hangar, then stopped, his magic reaching for-

Wind.

Shiro.

Without realizing it, Lance ran towards the wind, towards the dining hall. Shiro. Shiro was out of his room. He was okay. He was-

Eating.

The simple act made Lance stop, his heart in his throat, the sea howling in his head. Shiro.

_Shiro._

His control loosened as he pinned Shiro against the seat, lips on his as he climbed onto his lap. He needed this. Wanted this. The sea roared in his ears, wanting more than this. Shiro’s hands instantly went to his hips, pulling him closer as he felt the wind rush around them, wild and thick.

Choking him.

Lance closed his eyes as he fought for breath, feeling Shiro’s magic raging against his. Melding with his, asking why, why would he have ever done what he did? _Why?_

_I love you._

_You betrayed us._

_We were meant for more than killers._

_She was going to hurt us._

_She was scared. They all were._

_She was going to kill you._

_I know._

_I couldn’t let that happen._

_I know._

_I love you._

The wind fell away, letting Lance gasp for air against Shiro’s shoulder as the sea receded in his ears.

_I love you._

”I’m so sorry,” Shiro whispered against his hair, hands still on his hips. “I’m sorry.”

Lance just clung to him, not wanting to let go. Never wanting to let go of him again.

_I love you._


	15. Chapter 15

Little whispers of wind followed through Lance’s hair as Shiro ran his fingers through it. Lance felt like it should have been comforting, considering he was curled up in his lap in the dining hall having felt Shiro admit he loved him.

It wasn’t.

The feeling of wind only reminded Lance of a few minutes before, of the air choking him. Lance shifted, uncomfortable, not wanting to give up the cuddling but feeling little shudders go through him every time wind caressed his scalp. Slowly, Shiro’s hand stopped and dropped to between his shoulders, pressing in gently.

”How long?” Lance heard himself whispering against Shiro’s shoulder. He didn’t have to elaborate. He knew Shiro knew what he meant.

For a bit, Shiro didn’t answer. Finally, he pressed his lips to Lance’s head, and spoke. “Since the Balmera.”

The Balmera. So long ago.

”How long, Lance?”

”I don’t remember,” Lance admitted. “Since always.”

Shiro’s hands tightened on him. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Lance shook his head slightly. “I didn’t know you... that you would...”

”I do.” Shiro kissed his hair, his cheek. “Lance, God... I do.”

That just made Lance laugh brokenly. And now they were barely holding on to their magic. “Shiro... I can’t- The sea-”

”Let me hold you as long as we can,” Shiro whispered. “Please.”

Lance turned his head, finding Shiro’s lips so close to his own. All he would have to do is shift ever so slightly... his eyes flicked up to Shiro’s, seeing the same realization. It would be such a bad idea. He had no idea how long their control would hold out if they added that.

”Please,” Lance heard himself saying, his voice spoken on a breath. “I need to be here as long as you can.”

Shiro smiled, pressing his forehead to Lance’s as he held him, wind reaching for the sea.

* * *

So the Galra were attacking.

And they all needed to pilot their Lions.

Lance watched panic cross everyone’s face except Hunk’s. They weren’t ready. Damn it. What could they-

”Hey.” Hunk looked at them all, his face calm. “We can do this. Just... like we’ve been practicing. It’ll be okay.”

”Uh, in case you haven’t noticed, I can’t even get in Red’s cockpit without my magic going haywire,” Keith snapped at him. “I know you and Pidge have this under control, but the rest of us aren’t exactly doing this.”

”You don’t have any choice, Paladins,” Allura said firmly. “You must go out there, and if need be, you _must_ form Voltron. There is no choice in the matter.”

”Allura’s right.” Shiro didn’t look as confident, but he nodded to Allura. “We don’t have a choice. And if anything, our magic makes us better while we’re out there. Hunk can guide us through controlling it once we’re done with the fight.”

Hunk nodded at that, and it did not ease Lance’s unease one bit. There were a _lot_ of Galra out there. That meant there might be a lot of damage done to the Lions. He didn’t know about the rest of them, but Lance’s body couldn’t take that much damage.

But Allura was right. They didn’t have a choice.

Which was why they were all headed for the ziplines for their Lions, ready to head to battle.

* * *

Lance had kinda forgotten how hard it was to fight without magic.

Not only did he actually have to use his control sticks instead of just looking at where he wanted to go and having Blue respond, but he also had to fight the wild magic within him. It was possibly making him slower than usual, making them all slower-

Damn it.

_Blue, help me. There’s got to be a way._

For several moments, there was nothing. He could feel Blue’s consciousness on the edge of his, teasing. Reaching out to him. But it was on the same wavelength as his magic. If he reached out, he could- he could lose control. He couldn’t do it. No, he couldn’t do it, couldn’t reach out to her.

Then with what could only be an irritated sigh, he felt Blue take his mental hand and plop it in hers.

Oh.

That’s what Hunk was talking about.

It wasn’t taking his magic by the hand. He had to control that. It was holding Blue’s hand, letting _her_ control his magic. Her heard her laugh around him, a feeling of _All you had to do was ask_ filling him.

This was why Hunk had problems working outside of Yellow. She was doing all the work. But... this was a good first step. He could form Voltron like this. In fact- “Guys. Form Voltron.”

”Are you crazy, Lance?” Keith bit out. “We don’t have that kind of control!”

”Just trust me on this.”

”Shiro?” Pidge’s worried voice came over the com link.

For a moment, Shiro didn’t respond. Then- “He’s right. Form Voltron.”

Keith spluttered at that. “Shiro-”

”I trust Lance.”

He could have rubbed it in Keith’s face, but Lance turned his attention to Blue instead, mentally asking her if she was ready.

Of course she was.

And of course she could help him and Hunk tell the others how to do this.

Lance smiled.

”Let’s do it.”

* * *

”Okay, so you were right.”

Those words never sounded so good coming out of Keith’s mouth. Lance grinned. “Hold on, I need to record this.”

”Lance.” Shiro’s voice made him settle down a little, still grinning. They had done it. When Lance told them to _ask_ their Lions for help, that they would take them by the hand like Yellow did Hunk if they only asked, it worked out. It had been the missing piece no one had thought of, that Hunk had done without thinking. It had made sense to him but he couldn’t explain it to anyone because he had done it subconsciously. When Lance had to do it purposely... “Good job, team. And Lance...” His heart soared as Shiro smiled softly at him. “You did well.”

_You did well._

They did it.

Lance heard the sound of the sea in the back of his head, then the gentling presence of Blue, asking if he needed help. He had asked once, after all. And now that he had asked, it was her job to guide him. All he had to have done was asked for her guidance.

_Not right now,_ he told her. _Thanks. You did good._

She sent affection to him, not leaving him as much as quieting. Staying with him. Ready to help if he needed it.

Lance looked up at Shiro, and saw the faraway look on his face turn to a gentle smile. “Talking to Black?” he asked quietly as the others left.

”Yeah.” Shiro looked down at him, his hand coming up slightly before dropping. “Thank you, Lance. I would have never thought to ask Black for help.”

He shrugged. “It was nothing.”

For a moment, they were quiet. Then, Lance sighed. “Aren’t you going to kiss me?”

Shiro blinked, taken aback. And laughed, pulling Lance in close. “You needy thing,” he said, still laughing as he kissed Lance.

Lance could feel Blue’s amusement as he kissed Shiro back, the soft gentle sound of the sea lapping at his ears as wind teased at their skin.

They had the Lions helping them. They could do this.

He was allowed to be a little needy now.

_I love you, Shiro._

_I love you, Lance._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think the universe knew this was going to be the last chapter and conspired against me to not let it be written. Dishes to be washed, marinades to be made, power outages... all the good stuff. But against all odds it was written!
> 
> Thank you all so much. You do not know how much I love you all. All your hits, kudos, and comments filled me with joy. Thank you. I love you all.


End file.
